Roman Disapproval
by LobsterSalad
Summary: Romulus did not like the situation he found Romano in. Now if he could kill the Spaniard... Spamano, somewhat secret lovers AU.


**A/N: Alright. I know I should be working on my other fic, and I am. But this is only a few hundred words so forgive me?**

**Things get a little silly in the end. In The End. IN THE END. in the end. **

* * *

Romulus whistled. He was a happy man. He had just gotten a date from a gorgeous Egyptian lady after getting XXXXXX by a gorgeous Grecian lady, and he was planning on XXXXXXX a gorgeous Spanish lady. Life was good.

He hoped that Maria (the gorgeous Spanish lady of his devious schemes) was feeling better from her cold, too. Meeting the brunette had been a blessing in his life, although as a principle, meeting _any _lady was a blessing in his life- Romulus was a very blessed man. It was just that Maria and him had a lot of common language, what with both having sons who were a little hard to control, although last he heard, Antonio had calmed down a lot. Romulus prided himself in the fact that he had helped Maria through what must have been a terrible time in her life, trying to converse with a delinquent son (and she had helped him when Romano had went into that phase, too).

Oooooh, _**yes**. _Did someone say it was sexy Spanish ass time? Because it sure as hell was sexy Spanish ass time.

After paying twenty dollars for a small bouquet of flowers, Romulus started up the street where Maria lived when his phone vibrated. Hmm, he'd better turn that off when he was XXXXX her and being XXXXXX and XXXXXX and XXXXXX.

"Hello?" Romulus asked charmingly. He winked at a passing gorgeous Asian beauty.

"_Dear?_" Oh ho, it was Maria. And oh, that beauty was with a man! But perhaps they're related...

"Yes, my sweet? I'm near where you are now. Soon, we can reunite with all the passion, the love, the-"

"_Oh, dear, I'm so sorry!_" Huh? Did that beauty just smack the man's hand and wipe his mouth? That meant that they're related! And she looks so feisty.

"Maria, you have no need to apologize for whatever you feel sorry for. Just tell me and this muscular man will come flying to you. In fact, I already am." Reluctantly, he peeled his eyes off the beauty and started up for Maria's house again.

"_No, I really am! Something came up in work so I'll have to cancel this little...meeting. Antonio's at home, too. He came back from camp earlier than usual so you can't wait for me as usual."_

"Really? Romano came back earlier than usual, too! He told me he was going to the movies with friends today. This is a great chance for me to meet your lovely son...you did say that he threw away his halberd, right?" After hearing various horrifying accounts Maria told him about his son, Romulus sincerely hoped that Antonio had indeed reformed. No one wanted a Roman to bring out the muscles back into work.

"_No, dear, it's in a storage room somewhere in Barcelona."_

"Yes, well, that's far enough from here for me!" said Romulus boisterously. "I'll meet up with him and wait for you, then we can take this date somewhere _romantic._" He saw Maria's house, now. "Goodbye, sweetie, I'll have some quality time with your son."

"_Oh, fine. Goodbye, dear._"

The front door would surely be locked, so Romulus went around the back, through the carefully manicured tomato plants and in front of the elegant backdoor. He had placed his hands on the knob when he heard something peculiar.

"You'd do that for me?" It was a boy's voice, perhaps college student, with a Spanish accent rolling off his tongue. He must me Maria's son. "I-I mean, thanks, but-"

It was cut off, with a sound of scuffling and panting. "I swear to you," Romulus heard the voice once more, "I won't hurt you again, and-and if I break this promise I'll-"

It was cut off again, with more sounds of scuffling and panting and- were those moans? Antonio must have found True Love, if anything was to be implied from his voice and words. Despite never having met the boy, Romulus felt at peace. Everyone close to him was in love, it seems, and all was well with the world.

Except for maybe Romano, but that was _okay_, that was _fine_, that was_ really good_. Because Romulus didn't like to think of his son XXXXXX and XXXXX or even kissing another girl. Or guy. Especially a guy. Don't ask why, because society's double standard would just smack you in the face. Hard. (But he could trust Feliciano to take care of himself. His second son is just brimming with confidence that manly charms and not muscles was what it took to win over a German female's heart).

When there were no noises, he assumed that Antonio must have taken his, ahem, _activities_, somewhere else. Since a young male in heat would not have wanted to have his mother's _friend _suddenly come in and introduce himself, Romulus decided to leave. But then he felt lonely. Ah, what was an old man to do on this glorious day? The beauty he had seen would have left already, and her sight had left him bereft of new targets.

_Well, Papa, you can always call Roma! _said a voice in his head that sounded like Feliciano. _After all, you know he might be sulking somewhere, even with his friends in a movie theater!_

"Ah, Feli, you're so smart!" he exclaimed to himself. He could, he totally could! Nothing please Romulus more than hearing Romano's huffs and gruffs.

XXX

Beep. Beep. Not having left Maria's backyard, Romulus sat on a chair and waited for his son to pick up.

"_Hello?! Papa?! I'm a bit- mmf- busy here_!" What was that? What was that small "Stop that, bastard!" in the background? What was that scuffling around in the phone?

"Romano? Are you wrestling?"

"_No, I'm not- __****__not there, bastard!_-_ I'm fine. Just chilling out with Bell and Ned_." There was more sounds, maybe he really was out having fun with friends. "_What are you- uuuugh mmmmph, stop that! Let me take this call!- sorry, that was just_-"

"_Romaaaaa! You can call back later_!" cried a voice in the background. Then the phone clicked and all he heard was the beep, beep sound of *BEEEEP *BEEEEP*.

Romulus...needed time to think. Maybe a stiff drink, too. Perhaps a massage from Feli. Maybe a therapist or two, because he didn't know what had just happened. Although he could guess. Shock was the only emotion in the man, but soon rage would come, running through his veins like fire.

His phone rang again. The caller id said Romano.

"...Romano? What was going on? Is there anything you need to tell Papa about?"

"_Nothing. It was just damn Ned going all high again. He was- he was- stealing my tomatoes. On-on my lunch plate_."

"Right."

"_Right_."

"Just so you know, Papa is disapproving."

"_Uh_."

"Very disapproving. And you better have a real explanation when we're home."

"_Geez, old man! I told you what happened! It's not my fault if you won't fucking believe in me! You never do- I'm just not fucking trustworthy enough, am I?_"

"Romano, don't shout like that. Of course you're trustworthy, just-"

Romano hung up on him again. Leaving him to contemplate things. Like, if I'm feeling miserable, why should Antonio be getting some while I'm out in the sun, being blown off my my own son? After all, I have to take care of him. Maria is counting on me. He might not be using protection. I have to go and disturb him- I mean, I have to go in and make sure everything's okay.

With thoughts like that running around, Romulus silently walked back up to the backdoor and silently opened it and silently walked through the kitchen and silently stopped because he was seeing things that he didn't want to see and hearing things that he didn't want to hear.

Like Romano's jacket, sprawled on the kitchen table. And his shoes, messily lying on the floor. And his suitcase that Romulus lovingly packed for him for his second ever sleep away camp. He still remembered Romano shouting how he didn't want his Papa packing his stuff for him, thank you very much, and pink underwear was not manly and Romano didn't care how cute Papa thought it was- no, don't put that in, damnit!

And the letters that he had sent home were kept in Romulus' top drawer, above the one where the condoms and toys were kept, because Romulus wasn't anything if he wasn't a family guy. The one that told his Papa that the camp caught fire so he'd be returning early was still open, sitting on the desktop and waiting to be put in with the other preciously kept letters and the baby pictures that he had taken. There was one with Romano in a pink dress once for Halloween and he was pouting, holding hands with a smaller Feliciano.

His Romano's voice was now heard, sound waves in the living room traveling to the kitchen. And Romulus didn't like it at all.

"Antonio, stop hanging up for me!"

"But Roma, I thought you forgave me. This time is for us."

"I did forgive you, dumbass."

"So you can talk to you dad later. And introduce me then, too. I've been on my best behavior for a year already."

A year? Did that mean that this, this going behind Papa's back had been on for a year? Romano had been dating Maria's son for a year? Romano had been dating Maria's dangerous, alcoholic, delinquent, halberd waving son for a year?

"What do you mean, best behavior? Sneaking behind me and grabbing my waist, and stalking me aren't what I would call 'best behavior.'"

"Ahaha," the good for nothing replied, laughing nervously. "Of course I'm always like this. I mean, normal like this. I mean, I became even more normal after I met you. Yeah. Even more normal. Not that I wasn't normal already. Did I mention that I was kind, sweet, animal and plant loving, even before? Did I mention that I was normal?"

"...Bastard."

The good for nothing and Romano fell silent after that, and Romulus didn't want to see what they were doing. But no one touches his son. So he silently creeped through the doorway and saw the two youngsters who were too into themselves to notice the presence of the older man in the room.

Antonio was kissing Romano. Antonio was touching him. Antonio was making his son blush and look happy and Romulus wanted Romano to be happy _but this was too soon._

"I'll meet your dad, whenever you want me to," said good for nothing, holding Romano close.

A vein popped in Romulus' head.

"And you've always wanted to go to a culinary school, so we can go to France when we go to college."

Another vein popped in Romulus' head. So this good for nothing is planning on taking his son away?

"Bastard, Italian schools are better."

And his son is plotting with him?!

"Then I'll take my Lit. major in Italy."

"But-but-" Romano's eyes grew wide as saucers as he suddenly saw his Papa standing in the living room doorway. "_Cazzo_."

Antonio frowned, back already turned to his hopefully future father in law. "What's the matter, Roma? Is there a problem?"

"Yes, there is," said Romulus, "You are." Before Antonio could turn around, he had him by the scruff of his neck and flicked the boy to the nearest wall. He'd have to apologize to Maria later on, but right now this was important. "We're going home, Romano. No need to waste your time on this sleaze."

"PAPA!" Romano rose, "What the FUCK are you doing here?" He attempted to go to Good For Nothing, which Romulus had decided was to be Antonio's new name, but was stopped and picked up by his dad.

"We're going home, Romano."

"I HATE YOU! I NEVER BOTHERED YOU WHEN YOU WERE XXXX WITH SOMEONE!

"That's not the problem here. Your boyfriend is a bad apple, and I'm not letting you go with him to France or something. And you're grounded."

So Romulus carried his son spitting and screaming back home. Antonio was knocked out cold and only told his mother that he was okay, and he'll be bringing someone back to meet her tonight! Wasn't that exciting? He'd better start helping her prepare a delicious dinner so that he'd be all the more ready to introduce her to his special someone! Tonight.

XXX

And when Romulus found Romano's room empty for dinner that night, he'd just about had a heart attack.

"Oh dear...FELI! PAPA NEEDS A MASSAGE! AND A STIFF DRINK! AND A BASEBALL BAT!"

"Papa," said Feliciano reprovingly, "You have to let Romano do his stuff, you know? Waving a baseball bat around won't stop him from XXXXXXX and XXXXX and XXXXXX."

"But-!"

"But nothing. I've made pasta, so since Brother is off XXXXX with Antonio we can have extra!"

That night Romulus cried weepy tears made of stars. So later both Romano and Feliciano gave him a massage. And that Asian beauty's phone number. And Antonio later learned how to ignore the various threats and less than friendly smacks given to him by Romano's dad.

Because in the end the two of them did go to France. So that meant that in the end, Antonio won.


End file.
